Madam Tan Gek Eng-My beloved grandma

My phone rang this morning when the least i expected because i set my alarm at 9am,planned to have breakfast and head to the hospital for a visit.But my phone kept on ringing till i picked up and heard a lowly voice telling me she has passed away.My brain wasn't thinking of who might have called me early in the morning at 7am but straight away thought of my grandma who is lying down unconscious in the hospital.She has been unconscious for days since last sunday when she was admitted into the hospital after she fell.But that time she was fine as doctor said there is nothing much in her from the MRI scan and x-ray.Then the next day evening she was awake for a while and she could even regconised people around her but then came the following day she was back to unconsciousness.She shifted to the extra care unit rather than the intensive care unit.And doctor was telling she will not be long.And she went unconscious for the next few days till this morning she passed away.Her body has hardenend but blood still flows as there is still warmth in her body.
Being someone who has spent quite sometime with her in her life time,i musy say she is a wonderous person.She is smart,active,talkative and she likes to care about everybody.She will bargain with the seller whenever she buys something and makes sure she didn't get cheated.She has always been a very good neighbour wherever she goes and she loves to care about others.She will talk to strangers from day one and become good friends from there.Basically she loves to talk,talk just about everything she sees and she knows.So we are kind of afraid when she visits from one family to another,she will tell us what other families did and how bad in the way they deal with certain things.All secrets in the family will be revealed.Besides talking she loves cooking and eating as well.Still fresh in my mind that whenever she comes over to where i stay last time,my mother will always forbids her to cook because she is just too careless to cook(she was 6o plus that time).Ended up my mother will cook everyday so to prevent her from entering the kitchen and create a mess there.
As an active person she is,whenever she comes over,she will want to go out and the only place she can go is the market which is quite near but still requires some walking.She wants to walk,she wants to go from place to place but then her legs cannot support her.She still comes to visit us when she can walk because there are staircases she needs to climb coming to the place i last stayed.And those are the time my mother will be very worried that she will fall.After all she is just the person you would want to be with because she is entertaining and humorous .
There is only one thing she has not been receiving which is the most important thing-Christ.I cannot help but feel guilty for not being able to make her path right.She is a stubborn person and she has been brought up with Buddhism since she was young.May the Lord keeps her soul and bless her.....Popo,thanks for being who you are and all the advice and contributions you have made for this big family.Without you all of us won't be who we are today........

A Rainy Day

As I am lying down comfortably on my bed,
I start to think of what constitutes my day,
I can't think of another person but you who have brighten up my day greatly,
Being with you alone takes my soul away from my body,
The more on a rainy day,your presence warms my heart,
It couldn't be so exciting and inspiring without you in a day of mine as i pray and hope that i will get to see you again the next day.

Have you pass your listening test?

I love to be a listener actually though sometimes I looked like I love to talk more than I listen. Its been part and parcel of life for us to listen and say the things we want to express from our mind or heart to other people. We can talk about a lot of things in life the moment we open our eyes when we are still on our bed, we could have yell at our siblings, roommate or even friends who stay in the same room at us, “ Wake up you lazy bum! Its time for classes or work.” And that’s the first sentence we say on the day to other people. Following the hours, we might just be scolding another person who gets on our feet or praising another person who gives us a big hand in our work and etc. We talk a lot in a day and sometimes more than what we should. According to the statistics, girls can talk like how many million words in a day alone much more than the guys. No doubt girls are more expressive than guys and also they love to talk behind people’s back. Talking is a good exercise to move our mouth jaws and jokes that are made out of talking can help to ease us mentally especially after a long day of works and tensions in life. Yes we can talk from the east to the west but how much do we listen in a day?

Listening is a good test of patience, a good listener will never ask for the person talking to stop and that shows that he or she is a patient person. Sometimes we pretend to listen to others but actually we hate what the other person says. Sometimes we do pay attention to listen but it doesn’t seems to go into our mind what the other person says. And at times we do listen and know what the other person is saying but when asked by the other person to repeat what we heard, we do not know how to repeat and therefore misunderstood by the other person that we do not listen to them talking.

I had many chances to listen to other people mumbling, crying, complaining, babbling, rambling, blabbing, blathering, enthusing, prating, loosing out every emotions they have in front of me and left me stunned sometimes without knowing how to handle them. But I guess I learnt from them as well by listening to them on how they relate themselves to other people. Listening to the people who share their problem to you is actually a privilege because out of so many friends of theirs you are chosen to be shared with so do appreciate every time your friend call up through phones or knocking on the doors. Do spend time with them and make them feel relieved for what they are facing. Try not to mention things which will sadden them but to cheer them up with things or events which will bring them good memories. To all my friends out there,it is indeed my privilege and honour to be able to listen to what you are willing to share with me no matter it is problems you had or happy things you experienced.

I am Sam

From I am Sam to I am David, I have no identity but was amazed by the many identities people have crafted in the sphere of this life where nothing else would takes place but the Love of God portrayed into this simple life which we have. It is simple yet complicated at the same time. Its simple because human life are so fragile where you will end your life just when a brick falls on your head when you were walking alone on the street checking out some girls. At the same time, life is so complicated when a father keeps on persevering without any thoughts of giving up just because things do not go his way and these are all for his dear little daughter who was being taken away from him. He is a bit retarded and yet that doesn’t stop him from loving his daughter because he is a loving father by himself. He wanted to give all his best to his daughter even when what he has was little. Even to the extent of all his friend would willingly fork out money in supporting him to get a new pair of shoe for his daughter because they all know full well that he loves his daughter so much.
Now I begin to understand the sacrificial love from a father who has only the mentality of a seven year old kid can be so much that his daughter fills up everything in his life. It is indeed very true that when his defendant lawyer objected by saying that loving your own kid doesn’t require you to be someone smart or for you to have the highest score in the IQ test. Even a dog which has no spirit understand what is love and how to love his or her kids. What more to a human being who has the spirit whom God has blown into every one of us when he created us.
Sam was the main character in the movie along side with his daughter Lucy and his defendant lawyer whom he got it for free-Rita Harrison. Not only he made it for himself eventually by getting back his daughter but he made Rita realized the importance of her own son as well whom she is a busy lawyer with all the wealth. Besides all these, not forgetting his group of friends who are always being supportive of him and they are there whenever he needs them. Probably this is the best of life of what we can experience through him alone, He who prepares everything for us will make sure we get through it safely. The best of life-friendships who bring out the best in you as you grow together.

Afraid of being ALONE?

I woke up alone on the bed one morning,not knowing where i was but i know i can't be anywhere else unless I was brought to somewhere because in my own consciousness i remember vividly where i was and where i belong to.I know this would happen one day as the older you become the smaller your circle of friends will be.It is either because i have become more choosy as in the friends that i will mix with or my friends have abandoned me along the way when we grow up.The latter sounds a little bit sad as i am the one being abandoned.The feeling of being abandoned or left behind is terrible and you wouldn't want it happen to you more than once unless it is unavoidable.But as it is in life,somethings are unavoidable and we seem not to be the one who is in control all the time as we wouldn't know what will happen next simply because life is so fragile and short as we spend our everyday life starting with waking up and end it with lying down on the bed again.You can choose not to sleep but after a few nights of burning midnight oils you will somehow feel worn out and need to get back to rest.One fact that we will have to admit we are all human beings who need rest so much if not our body will get worn out faster than it should be.But no matter what,we all need accompaniments as we get along with our life which seem to be so boring and mundane everyday.You wake up,get yourself washed up and be ready to face the people you will normally face everyday and then you will have to take in at least three meals for normal people and you will end your day by coming back tired,trying to find your favourite spot at home to relax then slowly go onto your bed after finishing your night meal.If there is no accompaniments in life,i can't imagine how it will be as there will be one to be with you and to share with you what you are going through every moment in life.As the saying goes,no man is an island.We can't just live on our own but we need our family members,friends,brothers and sisiters in christ and also relatives to support us in every step that we take.Human beings are always dependant on each other as we lead our life individually.Sometimes we are afraid to be alone because we simply cannot make a decision for ourself but we need affirmations from others on what we are doing and what we are going to do.Even sometimes we are so confident of doing it also we want others to know what we are doing simply just to get a word or a sentence of praise from the people we tell them.We will somehow feel better or proud of ourselves as we do that but it does not neccessary means we are proud and arrogant but we need just a 'yes' from our best friends as sometimes we will not be able to do to our best without them supporting us.Life will never be perfect though as we can see sometimes if we were to rely too much on our best friends or even our partner in life,we feel being betrayed or dissapointed as they stab us from our back or leave us when it is the time we need them most.Despite that,we still need them to be at our side knowing that's the possibilities which will happen.But we trust them that they would not do this to us.Talk about being in a relationsip,do we involve ourself in a relationship just because we need accompaniments or we feel the loneliness keep on growing in us which we need to overcome by getting a future partner in life or rather many youngsters call it boyfriend or girlfriend these days.When comes to a certain age,we will somehow like to mingle around with people of opposite sex as we have the extra hormones in us which make us extra active.We have the tendancy to wanting to be accompanied all the time especially for those from broken families.They do not have all the family's love and concern they need when comes to a certain point of age so they tend to revert to love from a friend of opposite sex.The love of God encompasses all of the love on earth which we can find,it is never what you will expect as it is from our parents or best friends but it comes as a surprise everyday as you draw closer to Him.Your love is amazing,steady and unchanging......here goes the song

Hallelujah (Your Love Is Amazing)
Written by Brenton Brown & Brian Doerksen

             G                         C2
Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging
               Dsus                        C2
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet
              G                          C2
Your love is a mystery, how you gently lift me
             Dsus                        C2
When I am surrounded, your love carries me

(chorus)
      G          Dsus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
      Em7  C2
Hallelujah, your love makes me sing
      G          Dsus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
      Em7  C2
Hallelujah, your love makes me sing

              G                        C2
Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
                   Dsus                   C2
All the joy that's growing deep inside of me
             G                          C2
Every time I see you, all your goodness shines through
                    Dsus                   C2
And I can feel this God song, rising up in me

© 2000 Vineyard Songs (UK/Eire)
CCLI# 1596342
Album: Come Now is the Time to Worship
      25 Top Vineyard Worship Songs

Love is like riding a roller coaster,the higher and the faster it is,the more excitements you wil get.

It just feel strange when i decided to pen this down but to me it is something worthwhile to be recorded as i think it opens up the other side of me even though i might not be in a relationship but it is sufficient for me to enjoy this very moment itself.The romantic moments that you used to have just come back in a flip of coint without you knowing it and it keeps on growing.Nothing else can be more romantic than just to enjoy this moment itself.People say being in love is like discovering a piece of flower and as you discover more,you open up petal by petal of the flower.The more you open up,the more you will discover and it tastes sweet as how the flower seeds should be.For me it is like what i put the title as, riding a roller coaster which will never ends.When riding a roller coaster,you will not know what's in front to expect though the route which it will takes is fixed but yet surprises just keep on coming as you have no time to think of what's going to come next.It is fast no doubt as you decided to ride on it and i think it takes some patience too because most rides will need you to queue up long for it.It actually tests on your patience as well as you will need to queue up for it and there are so many more other interesting rides which are available but you have chose to wait for this ride which you are willing to sacrifice your time to wait for it.There might not be enough time for you to try all the other rides but you insist on this ride as you believe it will bring you to another height which will satisfies your soul and mind completely.It brings excitements as you will never expect it to be and some chose to hide the excitements by showing a pale white face,some will scream it out loud and some who can't take it will vomit straight away after probably a heavy meal.The person who shows a pale white face is a person who actually trying to hide their feelings by not revealing it to the person they like but not that they do not like the roller coaster ride,just that they are too shy or being careful not to scare the person thinking of the person may not like them.This type of person is playing on the safe side,observing and watching carefully from time to time to see if there is any chance to find out more about the person they like.The important question goes whether the person like them or not,whether the person is sharing the same feeling as they do.As for the second type of people,they are quite straight forward as they do not like to hide anything which came to them or probably i should say that they can't keep the words they have in their mind or heart.They have to throw it out as soon as possible then only they will feel comfortable.They cannot keep secret even to themselves,they have to confess everything that they have,whatever feelings that comes up to them towards another person.Now the third type of people,this type of people are not ready basically for any relationship to take place.They went for the ride thinking that it will be fun but they don't think of the consequences that they are going to face after going for the ride and they always think that they will be able to take it but in the end they fail to do so.Not only they can't take it but they have to push it away then only they feel regret about it.They do not know what they want but just thought that it will be fun to go for a ride probably to release some stress or get out from what they are busy doing to try on something new.They ended up hurting each other after the ride they took and some even do not bother one another after that.It is fun but serious at the same time whenever you want to take on a relationship,a relationship from friend to a level where both of you wanting to proceed with further progress.That's wonderful if both of you are willing to commit and to make that ride all the time fun.It pays to get a ride and you will definitely need to commit yourself towards the relationship,you won't get to enjoy the fun without any sacrifices.It is not just about the thrill of shouting out loud when the roller coaster goes higher or faster but the need to maintain that fun throughout the whole process.

Though cannot be compared to the oldest school in state which has much more history than we do but my school is the oldest and largest among all chinese schools in penang.This was taken outside the main road where i went past in the car,thought of taking down this scene to remember my seven years spent in this place.All Chung Ling boys say AI WU CHUNG LING one more time! 

This is the side view of it where you can see the new building of my school which was built during my time.I suffered the noise pollution last time whenever we were in school so that the current students can enjoy this white five-storeys building now.And right in front of my school has two basketball courts where i had my PE all the time. 

Further on i was sent to this so called second best chinese primary school in penang and i was quite proud to be here because i think i won the most trophies and prizes here...not many but it was considered the best for me. 

And this is the backyard of my kindergarten which there used to be a nice playground but now cut down to just a simple swing which is very unlikely to attract the kids here.Probably the time has changes to just keyboard and mouse.How sad isn't it?  

This is the compound of the kindergarten which is also the trinity church.Looking at the kid enjoying himself,feel like joining him for the thrill of it but couldn't help it life moves on even i choose to reminisce on my past. 

This is where i spent my two years before my primary school and i think it was so fast that i couldn't recall a lot of things which i have done here but i remembered i was shy and i acted as a tiger in the graduation day's performance.It was a play i think which i can hardly recall now but its fun.