A beautiful Life of mine worth to be kept here

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

Friday, January 18, 2013

Going into the jungle for a hike is not something you would do every day unless you are a hunter or the patrol warden who is in charge of the visitors’ safety. For me I think my almost 2 years’ relationship is like going into the jungle for a hike too. I am not a professional hunter or any warden in the jungle but just someone who likes green a lot and do not mind exploring the jungle for more adventures. Therefore I decided for myself that I wanted to do this hike because I think this hike is suitable for me, not too steep and neither too flat for me. This hike may not be specially customized route so that you can reach the peak faster nor this hike is easy as I know from the very beginning but it is always the process which counts and not the final result of the peak. Therefore whether it is easy or not, I have decided for myself that I will pull through this journey.

It is not something which I can describe the kind of good feeling that this will be the last hike I want to make as I make my way up to the peak. Therefore with that feeling, I have decided to start my journey of hiking in this jungle with the end of journey which is the peak in mind. As I walk in this journey, I felt good and more convinced as each hour and each day brings us closer together mentally, physically and emotionally as we experienced each other with our unique characters. The main motivation for me to keep going is that I know I have decided on this route and it will be my responsibility to ensure that we make it to the peak together irregardless of different dreams or ambitions, characters shaped or yet to be shaped, the future identities we see ourselves to be etc. I know I tried many times to tell myself that this is a short term sacrifice till we could find our better ways around in the jungle before we could reach the peak as we know there are many ways to reach the peak. And I thought we have decided on this route together whether it is going to be hard or easy, whether there will be more hindrances, whether the bad weather is going to come, whether there will be any at all more danger along the way, I thought we have decided.

Indeed after a year and 10 months exploring and searching for the route up to the peak, again I thought I could see the end destination in my sight but only if all things can be planned. Yes we did manage to make it to the peak just to realize that this is just the first peak in a relationship and there are many more peaks we could see but the big disappointment strikes when this journey has been given up. Although I could see that we can go through the many more peaks which I could see at the moment at least but the disappointment strikes right in the middle of my heart which could be fatal like a heart attack. Would you dare to continue this journey if you know the high chances of getting another heart attack? Once a heart attack hits you, the chances of another hit could be anytime like a time bomb therefore the answer is definitely a no.

Lessons picked up:-
1) Do not attempt to try to hike if you cannot even do a long marathon run as obviously you might not have the right level of stamina to last you through
2) Make sure the decision to hike together is being drilled into each other’s mind before even to start the journey together into the jungle (change of mind half way could only do more harm than if you decide not to hike together in the first place)
3) Lastly just be yourself, do not let any circumstances or the person whom you decided to hike with change you as you know that there is only so little could be changed but so much more to accept one another.       

After all I must say it was a good experience and let’s stay healthy for another better hike in the future !

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Life after Life Game

A man may stop doing something but his mind is always thinking of what’s next for him as one’s mind is created in such a complex way that we are always thinking ahead of what we want to do though most of the time half the things we thought we may want to do are not done. Human beings just work the same as computers we use as it needs to be programmed with something so that it may continue to run and functions the way we want it to be or else it will be just another junk. So then it boils down to the question of what are the things we want to do in life as we may not have the whole life time to achieve the things we want to do as once the time passes, we are going to miss it just like that. This is going to be my another chapter of life as I view it since my participation in the Life Game and I think I needed to pen it down so much that i really goes back to writing again. It has always been something I wanted to do but never been explored because I already set the expected outcome for myself which is-its never going to happen. Writing, giving trainings and working with people to help them has always been what I wanted to do in my life as I see myself to have the potential in it. Even recently with the personality test which I have done, it reaffirms me again that my potential career is to be a teacher or trainer. It really shocks me as I did not expect that to be the outcome of the test but that’s what I have in mind of what I wanted to do actually.

Putting aside with all the plans & goals to achieve in this life, most of the time I think we have missed out this important thing in life which is the purpose of life. It is almost impossible to plan things without an objective or purpose as we do not know what to achieve in the end and it is the same with our life as we cannot live life without a purpose as when it comes to the end of it, we would not know whether we have achieve what we wanted to achieve or not. Its just like working for an employer, your boss will definitely set the kpi (key performance index) for you as when the new year starts and he will evaluate you at the end of the year to see how much you have achieve in order for him to reward you with bonuses. Imagine your life on this earth is just to work for your boss then it would be much simpler but the truth of life is you definitely have more then one boss to report to and you know who is the ultimate boss after all. Therefore do not be so simple minded to think that you only have one working boss to report to only in this life, worse still some have even made their spouse to be their boss.

In the last three days which I had participated in this Life Game camp, I had the opportunity to witness how my life is going to be for the next 31 years and it strongly hits me about one thing. For me, my life in the game is always about survival and I spent my whole life time searching and wondering around for the best method to survive. Everyone wants to be rich and healthy so therefore there is always a price to pay for that-your time which is equivalents to your life! In the beginning I had been searching high and low for a job to survive as I needed food, clothes & roof over my head to survive as I had missed my education opportunity so it was tough for me. Finally when I got a job, I really put in my 100% in my job to impress my boss and I managed to get promotions twice but after that somehow I still feel that this is not enough for me. Therefore I try to search for other alternatives to be rich and also for me to be able to retire young and enjoy my life. Then came this idea of pooling money together with my friends to buy properties to be rented out for extra income, for once we thought that we are going to be some property king in the city. On top of that, I even agreed to this idea of marrying another girl just because she has the higher prestige point so that it makes life easier for us if we get married. It is always about more convenient, easier and the more we can enjoy in life. Come to think about it, when it is more convenient for us, it definitely has to inconvenient someone else so that it can be more convenient for us. The same goes for other things, when it is becoming easy for us, someone else has to sacrifice to make it easy for us. Life can never be easy in the first place, for some of us it is easy as in the past many have sacrificed to make it easy for us. In a nut shell, this life we have never belongs to us as a certain part of it may have been the consequences of what our parents have done. We may not have been born if our parents do not exist so this life we have must have originates from one source of life. I like this quote by Martin Luther King- "Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" Since this life we have do not belong to us, it is only fair that we ask ourselves this question frequently to keep on reminding ourselves why we have this life.

It will definitely be a scary experience if we do know how or when our life is going to end while we are still living it, human beings are generally short sighted as we would not react till we are really told when is the day going to come. Some worse still even when they are told about it, they would not have respond as they are just too comfortable in it and feel that they would rather end their life just like that rather than to make a decision to change. To change or not to is always the decision you have to make for yourself and it takes effort and determination to do that. As I love to say it always- life is short, cut the crap !

Monday, October 23, 2006

Madam Tan Gek Eng-My beloved grandma

My phone rang this morning when the least i expected because i set my alarm at 9am,planned to have breakfast and head to the hospital for a visit.But my phone kept on ringing till i picked up and heard a lowly voice telling me she has passed away.My brain wasn't thinking of who might have called me early in the morning at 7am but straight away thought of my grandma who is lying down unconscious in the hospital.She has been unconscious for days since last sunday when she was admitted into the hospital after she fell.But that time she was fine as doctor said there is nothing much in her from the MRI scan and x-ray.Then the next day evening she was awake for a while and she could even regconised people around her but then came the following day she was back to unconsciousness.She shifted to the extra care unit rather than the intensive care unit.And doctor was telling she will not be long.And she went unconscious for the next few days till this morning she passed away.Her body has hardenend but blood still flows as there is still warmth in her body.
Being someone who has spent quite sometime with her in her life time,i musy say she is a wonderous person.She is smart,active,talkative and she likes to care about everybody.She will bargain with the seller whenever she buys something and makes sure she didn't get cheated.She has always been a very good neighbour wherever she goes and she loves to care about others.She will talk to strangers from day one and become good friends from there.Basically she loves to talk,talk just about everything she sees and she knows.So we are kind of afraid when she visits from one family to another,she will tell us what other families did and how bad in the way they deal with certain things.All secrets in the family will be revealed.Besides talking she loves cooking and eating as well.Still fresh in my mind that whenever she comes over to where i stay last time,my mother will always forbids her to cook because she is just too careless to cook(she was 6o plus that time).Ended up my mother will cook everyday so to prevent her from entering the kitchen and create a mess there.
As an active person she is,whenever she comes over,she will want to go out and the only place she can go is the market which is quite near but still requires some walking.She wants to walk,she wants to go from place to place but then her legs cannot support her.She still comes to visit us when she can walk because there are staircases she needs to climb coming to the place i last stayed.And those are the time my mother will be very worried that she will fall.After all she is just the person you would want to be with because she is entertaining and humorous .
There is only one thing she has not been receiving which is the most important thing-Christ.I cannot help but feel guilty for not being able to make her path right.She is a stubborn person and she has been brought up with Buddhism since she was young.May the Lord keeps her soul and bless her.....Popo,thanks for being who you are and all the advice and contributions you have made for this big family.Without you all of us won't be who we are today........

Thursday, December 01, 2005

A Rainy Day

As I am lying down comfortably on my bed,
I start to think of what constitutes my day,
I can't think of another person but you who have brighten up my day greatly,
Being with you alone takes my soul away from my body,
The more on a rainy day,your presence warms my heart,
It couldn't be so exciting and inspiring without you in a day of mine as i pray and hope that i will get to see you again the next day.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Have you pass your listening test?

I love to be a listener actually though sometimes I looked like I love to talk more than I listen. Its been part and parcel of life for us to listen and say the things we want to express from our mind or heart to other people. We can talk about a lot of things in life the moment we open our eyes when we are still on our bed, we could have yell at our siblings, roommate or even friends who stay in the same room at us, “ Wake up you lazy bum! Its time for classes or work.” And that’s the first sentence we say on the day to other people. Following the hours, we might just be scolding another person who gets on our feet or praising another person who gives us a big hand in our work and etc. We talk a lot in a day and sometimes more than what we should. According to the statistics, girls can talk like how many million words in a day alone much more than the guys. No doubt girls are more expressive than guys and also they love to talk behind people’s back. Talking is a good exercise to move our mouth jaws and jokes that are made out of talking can help to ease us mentally especially after a long day of works and tensions in life. Yes we can talk from the east to the west but how much do we listen in a day?

Listening is a good test of patience, a good listener will never ask for the person talking to stop and that shows that he or she is a patient person. Sometimes we pretend to listen to others but actually we hate what the other person says. Sometimes we do pay attention to listen but it doesn’t seems to go into our mind what the other person says. And at times we do listen and know what the other person is saying but when asked by the other person to repeat what we heard, we do not know how to repeat and therefore misunderstood by the other person that we do not listen to them talking.

I had many chances to listen to other people mumbling, crying, complaining, babbling, rambling, blabbing, blathering, enthusing, prating, loosing out every emotions they have in front of me and left me stunned sometimes without knowing how to handle them. But I guess I learnt from them as well by listening to them on how they relate themselves to other people. Listening to the people who share their problem to you is actually a privilege because out of so many friends of theirs you are chosen to be shared with so do appreciate every time your friend call up through phones or knocking on the doors. Do spend time with them and make them feel relieved for what they are facing. Try not to mention things which will sadden them but to cheer them up with things or events which will bring them good memories. To all my friends out there,it is indeed my privilege and honour to be able to listen to what you are willing to share with me no matter it is problems you had or happy things you experienced.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I am Sam

From I am Sam to I am David, I have no identity but was amazed by the many identities people have crafted in the sphere of this life where nothing else would takes place but the Love of God portrayed into this simple life which we have. It is simple yet complicated at the same time. Its simple because human life are so fragile where you will end your life just when a brick falls on your head when you were walking alone on the street checking out some girls. At the same time, life is so complicated when a father keeps on persevering without any thoughts of giving up just because things do not go his way and these are all for his dear little daughter who was being taken away from him. He is a bit retarded and yet that doesn’t stop him from loving his daughter because he is a loving father by himself. He wanted to give all his best to his daughter even when what he has was little. Even to the extent of all his friend would willingly fork out money in supporting him to get a new pair of shoe for his daughter because they all know full well that he loves his daughter so much.
Now I begin to understand the sacrificial love from a father who has only the mentality of a seven year old kid can be so much that his daughter fills up everything in his life. It is indeed very true that when his defendant lawyer objected by saying that loving your own kid doesn’t require you to be someone smart or for you to have the highest score in the IQ test. Even a dog which has no spirit understand what is love and how to love his or her kids. What more to a human being who has the spirit whom God has blown into every one of us when he created us.
Sam was the main character in the movie along side with his daughter Lucy and his defendant lawyer whom he got it for free-Rita Harrison. Not only he made it for himself eventually by getting back his daughter but he made Rita realized the importance of her own son as well whom she is a busy lawyer with all the wealth. Besides all these, not forgetting his group of friends who are always being supportive of him and they are there whenever he needs them. Probably this is the best of life of what we can experience through him alone, He who prepares everything for us will make sure we get through it safely. The best of life-friendships who bring out the best in you as you grow together.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Afraid of being ALONE?

I woke up alone on the bed one morning,not knowing where i was but i know i can't be anywhere else unless I was brought to somewhere because in my own consciousness i remember vividly where i was and where i belong to.I know this would happen one day as the older you become the smaller your circle of friends will be.It is either because i have become more choosy as in the friends that i will mix with or my friends have abandoned me along the way when we grow up.The latter sounds a little bit sad as i am the one being abandoned.The feeling of being abandoned or left behind is terrible and you wouldn't want it happen to you more than once unless it is unavoidable.But as it is in life,somethings are unavoidable and we seem not to be the one who is in control all the time as we wouldn't know what will happen next simply because life is so fragile and short as we spend our everyday life starting with waking up and end it with lying down on the bed again.You can choose not to sleep but after a few nights of burning midnight oils you will somehow feel worn out and need to get back to rest.One fact that we will have to admit we are all human beings who need rest so much if not our body will get worn out faster than it should be.But no matter what,we all need accompaniments as we get along with our life which seem to be so boring and mundane everyday.You wake up,get yourself washed up and be ready to face the people you will normally face everyday and then you will have to take in at least three meals for normal people and you will end your day by coming back tired,trying to find your favourite spot at home to relax then slowly go onto your bed after finishing your night meal.If there is no accompaniments in life,i can't imagine how it will be as there will be one to be with you and to share with you what you are going through every moment in life.As the saying goes,no man is an island.We can't just live on our own but we need our family members,friends,brothers and sisiters in christ and also relatives to support us in every step that we take.Human beings are always dependant on each other as we lead our life individually.Sometimes we are afraid to be alone because we simply cannot make a decision for ourself but we need affirmations from others on what we are doing and what we are going to do.Even sometimes we are so confident of doing it also we want others to know what we are doing simply just to get a word or a sentence of praise from the people we tell them.We will somehow feel better or proud of ourselves as we do that but it does not neccessary means we are proud and arrogant but we need just a 'yes' from our best friends as sometimes we will not be able to do to our best without them supporting us.Life will never be perfect though as we can see sometimes if we were to rely too much on our best friends or even our partner in life,we feel being betrayed or dissapointed as they stab us from our back or leave us when it is the time we need them most.Despite that,we still need them to be at our side knowing that's the possibilities which will happen.But we trust them that they would not do this to us.Talk about being in a relationsip,do we involve ourself in a relationship just because we need accompaniments or we feel the loneliness keep on growing in us which we need to overcome by getting a future partner in life or rather many youngsters call it boyfriend or girlfriend these days.When comes to a certain age,we will somehow like to mingle around with people of opposite sex as we have the extra hormones in us which make us extra active.We have the tendancy to wanting to be accompanied all the time especially for those from broken families.They do not have all the family's love and concern they need when comes to a certain point of age so they tend to revert to love from a friend of opposite sex.The love of God encompasses all of the love on earth which we can find,it is never what you will expect as it is from our parents or best friends but it comes as a surprise everyday as you draw closer to Him.Your love is amazing,steady and unchanging......here goes the song

Hallelujah (Your Love Is Amazing)
Written by Brenton Brown & Brian Doerksen

G C2
Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging
Dsus C2
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet
G C2
Your love is a mystery, how you gently lift me
Dsus C2
When I am surrounded, your love carries me

G Dsus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Em7 C2
Hallelujah, your love makes me sing
G Dsus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Em7 C2
Hallelujah, your love makes me sing

G C2
Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
Dsus C2
All the joy that's growing deep inside of me
G C2
Every time I see you, all your goodness shines through
Dsus C2
And I can feel this God song, rising up in me

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